21:I[64418,["2399","static/chunks/53c0104b-0bf61919c7da6d97.js","8500","static/chunks/8500-2f0b37d47b98252b.js","8815","static/chunks/8815-a3d30cde6722147a.js","7317","static/chunks/7317-e53b91f569d5aae3.js","1760","static/chunks/1760-823e5ede79a02405.js","8454","static/chunks/app/journal/%5Bslug%5D/page-978ee4012cc7c4c6.js"],"default"] 22:I[60423,["2399","static/chunks/53c0104b-0bf61919c7da6d97.js","8500","static/chunks/8500-2f0b37d47b98252b.js","8815","static/chunks/8815-a3d30cde6722147a.js","7317","static/chunks/7317-e53b91f569d5aae3.js","1760","static/chunks/1760-823e5ede79a02405.js","8454","static/chunks/app/journal/%5Bslug%5D/page-978ee4012cc7c4c6.js"],"default"] 23:Tddc,

久しぶりに体調不良で仕事を休んだ。
節々が痛くて、発熱と悪寒に襲われた。おまけにお腹も張って痛い。
最近流行っているインフルエンザB型かと思ったが、病院で検査したら陰性だった。

今日はずっと横になって寝ていた。
この記事を書いている今になって、ようやく大分体調が良くなってきた。
夕食のおかゆもなんとか食べられた。よく考えたら、昨日の朝食から何もお腹に入れていなかった。
お腹が張って食欲が湧かず、そもそも空腹感もほとんどないという、自分にとってはなかなか珍しい体験だった。

最近はとにかく仕事が忙しかった。
夜遅くまで作業することが多くて、若干不規則な生活になっていた自覚はある。
全社的な取り組みやプラットフォームオーナーとしての新しい試みに加えて、足元のプロジェクトも佳境に入っている。さらにメンバーの転職も重なり、なかなかに激しい状況だ。

でも、それらはどれも大切なことだし、やって当たり前のことだと思っている。
だから「過度に大変だ」「忙しい」というオーラやムーブは周りには出さないように気を付けていた。
実際は寝不足で、表情や雰囲気に多少出てしまっていたかもしれないが。

そんな綱渡りのような状況だったから、今日一日、強制的に寝て過ごせたのは、回復日として本当に良いタイミングだったと思う。

そして、布団の中でぼんやりと気付いたことがある。
仕事が忙しくて平日のほぼすべてを仕事に費やすことも、病人として一日ゆっくり休むことも、状況は全く違うけれど「やるべきことが明確」という意味では、実はすごく楽なんだなと思った。

本来の日常はもっと複雑だ。
仕事をしつつ、家族や交友関係をケアし、自分のための時間を捻出し、さらに将来への取り組みも並行してやらなければならない。
でも、「極度の仕事の忙しさ」や「病気」を免罪符にすれば、それだけに集中できる。自分がこぼした他のことを、周りが吸収してカバーしてくれるのだ。
これは本当にありがたいことだと実感する。もちろん、家族や関係者とのきちんとした関係性があってこそ成り立つことだけど。

自分は本来、複数のことを同時に扱うのが苦手な人間だ。
だからこそツールを駆使して、なんとか同時並行で事をおさめるように気を付けている。
でも、今回みたいに「シンプルにやるべきことが明確な状況」を、もっと意図的に作れるようにした方がいいなと改めて感じた。

体調は良くなってきているが、今の仕事の激しい状況は5月末まではベースとして変わらない想定だ。
だからこそ、これからは「やるべきことが明確な状況」で物事に取り組めるような環境づくりを試行錯誤しながら、この波を乗り切っていきたいと思う。

改めて、カバーしてくれた家族や関係者には感謝しなければ。
今日はもう少しだけ、ゆっくりさせてもらおう。

24:Tc17,

I took a day off from work due to feeling unwell for the first time in a while.
My joints ached, and I was hit with a fever and chills. To top it off, my stomach felt bloated and hurt.
I thought it might be Influenza B, which has been going around lately, but I tested negative at the hospital.

I've been lying in bed all day today.
Now, as I write this article, I'm finally starting to feel much better.
I even managed to eat some rice porridge for dinner. Come to think of it, I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast yesterday.
Feeling bloated, lacking an appetite, and not even feeling hungry is a quite rare experience for me.

Work has just been extremely busy lately.
I've been working late a lot, and I admit my lifestyle had become slightly irregular.
In addition to company-wide initiatives and new trials as a platform owner, my current projects are also reaching their peak. On top of that, a team member transitioned jobs, making it quite an intense situation.

However, all of these things are important, and I believe it's only natural to do them.
That's why I've been careful not to give off a "this is too hard" or "I'm so busy" vibe to those around me.
Though in reality, my lack of sleep might have shown slightly on my face or in my demeanor.

Because I was in such a tightrope-walking situation, being forced to spend the whole day sleeping today was actually a really well-timed recovery day.

And as I lay blankly in bed, I realized something.
Whether it's dedicating almost all of my weekdays to work because I'm busy, or resting slowly all day as a sick person—even though the situations are completely different—it's actually really "easy" in the sense that the "thing to do is clear."

Normally, daily life is much more complex.
You have to juggle work while caring for your family and social relationships, carving out time for yourself, and making progress on future goals concurrently.
But when you have the excuse of "extreme busyness at work" or "being sick," you can focus solely on that one thing. The people around you absorb and cover the things you drop.
I realize this is something to be truly grateful for. Of course, this only works if you have built a proper relationship with your family and stakeholders.

I am naturally a person who struggles with handling multiple things at once.
That's exactly why I utilize tools to somehow manage to keep things under control concurrently.
But I felt anew that I should be more intentional about creating situations like this time, where the "thing to do is simple and clear."

My health is recovering, but I expect the current intense work situation will basically remain unchanged until the end of May.
That is precisely why I want to ride out this wave by experimenting with creating an environment where I can tackle things in a state where the "thing to do is clear."

Once again, I must thank my family and those involved who covered for me.
I think I'll let myself rest just a little bit more today.

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