As much as I wanted to continue sharing about our recent Hokkaido trip, today’s entry takes a more serious turn. This serves not only as an update but also as a personal reminder of some profound realizations. On August 5, 2024, while the Japanese stock market was experiencing a historic crash and the Paris Olympics were captivating audiences, the U.S. market was also in a downturn—an opportunity for long-term investors like me to consider buying more. Yet, this market turbulence pales in comparison to the personal turmoil I faced.
A Family Dispute: Uncovering Hidden Resentments
Returning from our Hokkaido trip, my wife and I didn’t exactly have a fight; it was more of an airing of long-standing grievances. My behavior, particularly during our trip, and comparisons to other families highlighted several of my faults. My wife, it seems, has run out of patience with my inadequacies. This wasn’t a sudden revelation; it was a culmination of years of neglect on my part.
The Accumulation of Neglect
Despite being married for nearly a decade, I have consistently avoided facing our issues head-on. I’ve allowed these problems to fester, masking them with work and alcohol. On the surface, we maintained a facade of normalcy for the sake of our children, but I failed to truly consider my wife’s feelings. Her patience wore thin, and I remained oblivious until it was too late.
Facing the Harsh Truth
Reflecting on our conversation, I realized how blind I had been to the growing discontent. My focus on career and escapism blinded me to the reality of our relationship. If not for our children, divorce would have been inevitable by now. Even so, I believe that the situation is beyond repair. The most likely outcome is separation once our children are grown.
A Commitment to Change
Despite the bleak outlook, I am determined to address these issues sincerely. I acknowledge my past failures and am committed to making amends, even if the ultimate outcome doesn’t change. Recognizing my tendency to take the easy route and my arrogance, which often manifested as emotional abuse, I now strive to approach life with humility and integrity.
Embracing Humility and Integrity
From this point forward, my goal is to live with authenticity and to earnestly work towards rectifying the unhappiness I have caused. While the future remains uncertain and my perception of reality might be flawed, I am convinced that our future is shaped by our present actions. Therefore, I will consistently strive to be humble and genuine in all my endeavors.
Final Thoughts
The realization of my failings has been a sobering experience, and while the path to reconciliation may be arduous, it is a journey I must undertake. This commitment is not just for my wife or my children, but also for myself—to become a better person, partner, and father.
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